i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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