Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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