i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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