i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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