FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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