Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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