She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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