Don't you send me to vm
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize