You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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