saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize