Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize