Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize