Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize