Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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