I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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