Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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