My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn victory sex feels great
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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