This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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