The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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