You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just gargled with NyQuil
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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