What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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