i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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