can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You can't special order awesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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