I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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