So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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