Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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