When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize