I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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