i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sobbing to NWA
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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