This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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