If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize