Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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