having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize