it was like eating out sand paper
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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