This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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