Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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