Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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