I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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