1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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