Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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