My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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