I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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