I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
