So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Im part way to drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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