I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize