Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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