I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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