Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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