I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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