please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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