he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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