Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize